Sunday, June 20, 2010

Prayer to stop oil spill

The Louisiana government has designated Sunday, June 20th as a day of prayer to end the Gulf of Mexico oil spill:

"Thus far efforts made by mortals to try to solve the crisis have been to no avail," state Sen. Robert Adley said in a statement released after last week's unanimous vote for the day of prayer. "It is clearly time for a miracle for us."

Yeah, good luck with that.  Actually, they don't need luck.  Eventually the spill will be stopped by humans, at which stage the Louisiana government, and American fundies in general, will declare that it wasn't humans who did it, but their god.  That's the way it always works with these people, crediting the results of the hard work of humans to their imaginary friend of choice.  In my view, nothing short of an instantaneous stop to the spill, for no obvious reason initiated by humans, will be acceptable to be declared a success of this initiative.  This god creature should be able to stop it instantaneously, so why won't it?

When it doesn't stop, will they acknowledge that their god doesn't answer prayers, or that their god doesn't care to stop the environmental destruction?

You can read the full article on CNN.com.

10 comments:

tina FCD said...

I just have to laugh at this crap any more, it's just too depressing to think people like this run our states and country. The comments on the article were hilarious...chickens anyone?

Feki said...

I wonder what theists actually expect as an effective, affirmative response to their prayers. For example stopping the flow of oil but not remediating the wetlands or resuscitating wildlife would make for a crappy miracle to my standards…

Also, I wonder which of all the supernatural entities will take charge, and which of them will be credited for it?

Say Neptune came to the rescue and made it abundantly clear it was his deed, would christians worship him for it?

One great comment: "Jesus will dive down to the bottom of the ocean and plug the hole. He can do anything, he's magic"

magnamune said...

While they're busy praying, I'm going to put my time to good use. I'm going to earn some money, and donate it to a relief charity.

If people put their money into charities like friends of the earth, or oceana, instead of into the church collection plate, we might have fixed this problem already... Or at least not be so deep.

Anonymous said...

This reminds me of the current message up on the church reader board near my house, "Wishes are no substitute for prayers!"

Uh, yes they are! They're the SAME THING!

Let us know when those wishes, I mean prayers, come true!

Feki said...

Interesting, let's experiment on that:

STEP 1: WISHIN'
I wish that the oil spill stops right now.

STEP 2: PRAYIN'
I sincerely pray to any supreme being out there in the universe to stop the oil spill as soon as possible. A relief well will take another month or so to complete, and innocent marine creatures are dying by the thousands so please act inmediately.

STEP 3: WAITIN'

...
...
...
...

RESULTS:
No measurable results from either Step 1 or 2 were observed.

CONCLUSION:
After several unsuccesful trials, it is safe to conclude that wishing produces the exact same outcome as praying, which is 'nothing'.


Please help me validate these results statistically by repeating the experiment yourselves. For conservativeness, you could also have an actual theist perform step 2 (addressing a specific deity).

Admin said...

Well, we now know for sure that the gods answer prayers in their own time, in their own way. Check out the results of the prayer day:

http://edition.cnn.com/2010/US/06/23/gulf.oil.disaster/index.html?hpt=T2&fbid=Kx0J0XILoEt

Feki said...

I am starting to believe that what god really hates are pelicans

(and turtles, and dolphins, and shrimp, and coral reefs, and white sand beaches, and wetland ecosystems...)

Feki said...

A friend got a contract for designing a system that aims to activate the valves down at the blowout preventer.

The blowout preventer is buried in light sediment, so he and his team plans to lower two massive steel plates, one on each side, made with variable thickness and grooves at specific lengths. By jackhammering these steel plates in place, the grooves will bent inwards thus pushing mud against the blowout preventer. They hope this will create enough pressure so that the wrong pressure seeting in two controls pods will be overcome and hydraulic fluid will flow to the four pipe rams.

I am proud to mention that my friend is also an atheist, so this creative solution is 100% god-free.

Theists can still pray to Jesus for help in the cleanup of beaches, but I think it is pretty obvious that he cannot walk on oil slicks. Maybe he could at least show up to multiply (endangered) fish and marine life.

Feki said...

On June 23 I joined Sen. Robert Adley and the American fundies in a praying/wishing exercise for the spill to stop.

On July 16, the spill has stopped.

That leaves us with a few interesting conclusions:

a) if god exists, we now know that the environment is not a top priority
b) wishing and praying have the same undistinguishable effect which may happen randomly or not happen at all
c) bp is god and its board of directors listens to your wishes, though they have a slow reaction, as seen on coffee spill video.

Well, the oil is not gushing out, for now. Nonetheless, we will have to wait at least another ten years for the "Miracle of The Clean-Up".

Wiley_Coyote said...

Just think... all that oil, and all those witches who need burning...