Monday, October 11, 2010

She had it coming, as much as I love her

So I beat the shit of my girlfriend last night.  And it was a pretty good beating, too.  It lasted for a long time.  Don't get me wrong, I love her and have nothing but love for her, but she deserved it.  She simply failed to live up to the standard that I set for my own behaviour, so I was forced to do it.  And now that she has been deemed beneath me and my standards, I think I'll continue to beat her regularly, and I don't think there's anything she could ever do to make me stop or to get a second chance.  She had her one chance.  As for all of you, you should agree with my actions, congratulate me and tell me what a good job I did.


Feki said...

To my opinion, this is one of your finest posts my dear Admin.

Following your inspirational (dare I say 'holy'?) beating on your girlfriend, I will make sure to beat the crap out of people I love the most should they ever make, say or even think something which I disaprove.

Heck, beating people who failed to fulfill my expectations to a pulp is an awesome way to express the depth of my love and caring for mankind. (mind you I will only beat up people who are smaller/weaker than me, just to be on the safe side). People who comply to my wishy-washy standards will need not to worry, they'll all get a free ice cream (*).

I feel born again, ready to beat and love.

Thanks for opening my eyes in such a clear, totally unreligious way.

(*) Ice-cream flavor subject to my liking. Ice-cream not to be shared with beaten up people. Only one scoop of ice-cream per person, no refills. Complaining/inquiring about ice cream ingredients, place of origin or expiry date will result in loosing all ice cream privileges and/or beating.

Admin said...

Feki, your comment made me laugh. Thanks.

I'm glad at least one person understood what I was getting at with the post.

Feki said...

hmmm you are not just trying to get yourself some ice-cream, are you?

cuz I know a whole lot of people who would say stuff like Feki is Sooo Funny just to make sure they don't miss out on the ice-cream, whatever flavor they might get.

For I share no love for them and will cast them away from my sight... and of course beat them silly.

I mean, how fcked up is to try and trick decent-loving people like me into giving away free ice cream?

Love is so hard at times...

Anonymous said...

Sorry to break the chain, but that allegory is pretty amazing.
Feki's follow-up equally so;P

Anonymous said...

Don't Stop There!!

you should punish all children that come from her for all generations to come.

that is unless they accept you into their heart as the only salvation to their great great great granmothers dissapointment.

Wrath is next to godliness

Feki said...

Hey, that's some neat advice! I will certainly bring my angry fist down on the children of those who dissapoint me. Then they'll know for sure that I love them.

However, that's way too much work for me so I plan to outsource beatings to a team of highly-skilled, sadistic thugs.

I realize I'll also need a suitable private location, preferrably sound-proofed and dark so as not to disturb the neighbors... like the furnace room downstairs.

That way I'll have more time to go about promoting my ice-cream while somebody else looks after the dirty work.