Thursday, December 16, 2010

A test of your faith

A new campaign in the United States is predicting that the biblical rapture will take place on May 21st, 2011.  They're beginning to put up billboards in various parts of the country.

I'd like to propose a test of faith for any Christian (or anybody else, really) who believes this is true.  Will you sign over all of your possessions to me?  Will you enter into a legally-binding contract that says that I become the owner of everything you own on the date of May 22nd, 2011?  You will have already been taken up in the rapture, so you will have no need for them.  I could probably use them to barter with the remaining unsaved masses for things like food and basic protection.

I'm serious here.  Will you do it?  If not, then you really don't have faith in this, do you?  Deep down, you know it's total bullshit and are only pretending to believe in order to cover your own ass, hoping that the omniscient god of the bible will not see through your pathetic ruse, if the events do take place.  If yes, please contact me using the link in the left sidebar and we'll make arrangements to have the legal paperwork done.  Serious offers only, please.  Don't waste my time.  Also, the contract must not contain any conditional statements such as, "If the rapture has already occurred....."  This is unconditional.  I become the owner of everything you own on the date of May 22nd, 2011, regardless of what may or may not have occurred previously.  Period.

**I should add that I do not want your debts, or any live creature that requires care, such as a pet or child.  On the plus side for you, I may donate some of your assets to the very same charities that will be helping your foolish ass when you're left penniless and without a home.  I may even allow you to remain in your home, if you can find a way to pay me my monthly rent.

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

Prediction! You'll have zero takers.

David McNerney said...

Brilliant point.

But to be fair, there is not real good reason they should give you the money - because... who are you to them, and what positive effect will it have.

However, to give away all their possessions to a secular charity (no point in giving it to a Christian one, because they won't be around) would be a positive thing to do for them, and something that would be looked upon well by their god.

Red Cross or MSF would be a good start.

The need to cash everything up, and then hold on to only what they will need for the next 6 months.

"Call.... show your cards."

Gordon said...

There's no *good* reason for them to follow though, unless they count demonstrating their faith as "good"

Chris Griglack said...

Who buys up billboard space for the end of the world? It's like saying "hey, the rapture's coming, and by the way, our god is gonna be pissed if you didn't know it was him killing all of us."

ANTZILLA said...

Does David Koresh ring a bell to anybody?

How about if the rapture doesn't come that church/whatever has to say sorry for lieing and HAVE to sell all assets and proceeds go to solar panels for the getto.

Someone put a "No God/s, No Worries" sign next to it

Magnamune said...

A similar thing could be said about those who think 2012 will be the end of the world. I similar test could be suggested. In fact, I have done just that. I got the idea from this, so I thank you. But, I put in a note saying that I didn't feel anyone was that stupid.

What I really meant was no-one that stupid will read my blog. And I framed it as a best, as opposed to an act of faith... An unloseable bet, to be sure, but a bet nonetheless.

I really hope you get some takers, it'd be tragically ludicrous. Good Job Admin.

Anonymous said...

If the thumpers are right, then according to Revalations, we will finally get some peace and quiet from them. Revelations says that for the 1000 years after Rapture, there will be peace on earth.

Anonymous said...

we follow what god says so if he say it time to go then it time to go home and i just pray the lord save ur souls because i wouldt trade place with u plus we r not aloud to gamble its a sin and if u read the bible then u would no there is no dates so im not sure who said that but i have every faith in our father that everyone that has the lord in the soul would be told by him his self i have no worrys but i tell u this the lord loves us all and he has many souls to save before our time comes and i pray the king of kings save everyone that reads this msg and u fill his hand on u before u finish reading may god bless ur life and may u preach the word and go to heaven not the pits of fire god bless u all

Jim said...

Two things.

1) Learn to type. Punctuation points and capitalization help us read your posts. Also, so grammar lessons wouldn't hurt.

2) Do not try to throw blessings from your gods at me. I find it incredibly offensive. I do not believe in your made-up crap, and I do not want to be involuntarily subjected to it in any way.

Ben said...

I believe the rapture will occur, but I'm in complete agreement with questioning the legitimacy of this campaign. Nobody is supposed to know when the return will happen; anyone claiming to have that knowledge is lying or deceived. Anyone listening to this campaign has placed their faith in men, not Christ.

So anyone who accepts your challenge with the expectation that the world is ending in 2011 isn't following the guidance of scripture anyhow.

Admin said...

I believe the rapture will occur.... Nobody is supposed to know when the return will happen."

Right, because religions would collapse if people started making testable claims. You're just happy to never put any kind of requirement or timeline on it, so that you never will be put into any situation in which you have to admit that it is all false.

It's been two-thousand years and we're still waiting, with no sign of it, but that's OK! Nothing at all happening is exactly what is supposed to happen!

That's completely indistinguishable from the case in which the entire thing is bullshit. Absolutely useless.

Ben said...

It's not me arbitrarily deciding that nobody should be able to predict the end times, the Bible makes that declaration.

I can guess at the esteem which you have for the Bible, but this does at least show the internal consistency of Christianity with respect to predicting the end times.

Admin said...

"...internal consistency of Christianity with respect to predicting the end times."

Yes, it was supposed to happen during the lifetime of the apostles. It didn't.

And if it's so internally consistent, why do you fundies fight over it so much?

Even so, quoting Bible verses here is worthless. And you're a creationist, which means you don't believe evidence anyway. So to attempt to even discuss with you is worthless.

Ben said...

My last post disappeared, which is unfortunate. I'll try to be more concise this time. Also, I'll pray for the server or something. (jokes, haha?)

Hey, I want to clarify that I'm not a young Earth creationist. I believe God created the universe, but the creation story in Genesis should be regarded as metaphorical.

This is not something radically different for a Christian to believe in. Most Christians see the creation story as being a metaphor.

I believe in evolution, atoms, an old Earth, etc. Those were the methods God used to create the Universe, including the Earth. Science and God are not mutually exclusive.

Having faith does not mean you can't appreciate the value of evidence or critical thinking. In the end, we must all ground ourselves in something. Whether that is God, or human dignity, or sex, or Star Trek or whatever is up to each individual. Even the idea of empiricism depends on the faith that what was true in the past will continue to be true in the future. You may see this as a trivial and obvious truth, but it does require a certain amount of faith. I have faith in empiricism. I have faith in God.